Saturday, November 11, 2006

heh. today was an interesting day. its like. woke up. went to cell. really early today. den on the bus i was like wondering, wad happens if yating asks us to share a word in cell man. that ll be so weird. and to me i was like thinking, john will probably be the one bold enough to do it. den i was like, hope this sort of thing happen next week, heh, den got more people. probability of someone sharing would be greater. but to this bodoh in the bus, he really had no idea of wad was about to happen. haha.

anyway. we started off with a sharing session. and its like i was listening to claudia, and the words she that came out of her mouth really spoke of a hunger towards God's word and a love for souls. and i guess as a cell we are really proud of her. on one hand i was thinking, this is great man, members hu are younger are like rising up, age doesnt matter. den on the other hand, i myself was thinking, then God told me about that verse that said something like let no one despite your youth but set an example to believers in faith, in something and in purity. den i was like thinking la, wad are the rest of us doing. indeed we shud be rising up the very same way, the older ones like us have really been put to shame.

den when i shared, i just really reminded myself of why i stayed in church beyond my first service. it was because i love the presence of God, i really really loved the presence. i love the presence that came everytime i uttered words of praise and worship, the warmth presence that would go over me and refresh me everytime i felt tired. the presence that would alert me to certain parts of a sermon, sort of like those jab in the ribs sort of thing, that goes "pay attention to this!" the presence that would induce this peace in my heart when wad i prayed or the revelation i had was something of God. and i guess for me, i really wanted to embrace that presence all over again. and i must say the last few weeks have been slow progress but there has been progress and i really wanna thank God for that.

so during praise and worship. i just sunk right in to praise, u know i never used to sing songs that loud, but for me, i love presence, and i always believed in exuberant praise and pure unadulterated worship. it was like the first time in weeks that i felt so connected with God, so we got on to worship, and there was this nostalgic presence, cus of the sharing earlier and i remembered that breathe was the first worship song i sang in church. so it was really great and everything. but low and behold man, in the middle of it all. God suddenly spoke a word, he was like 'dun be conformed to this world'. den it set me thinking, wad have i been doing with my life. indeed God has changed me loads since i stepped into church, but this year, aside from having a bad temper that surfaced much much less den it used to and not swearing anymore, i had still pretty much reverted back to my old man. and its like i m supposed to shine, but somehow, i have built a reputation that is something i never had in secondary school. believe me, in secondary school, i never ponned class and i never not handed up homework. so i got into this little debate in my spirit with God la. i was like "but its just a small thing wad." the God was like, "sure it is, but because of this small thing, this is how everyone else looks at u now." den i sort of said back, "but i tot we ought to be relevant and fun people." den God was like, yes, "but that is not the way, remember in barker, u were never like that, i changed u, from a person of little frens in class, i raised u to be the vocal person u are now, and that was how u impacted them and gave them a different perspective of christians." i was like ya. so at that point of time, it just really smacked me in the face, this year had been so screwed, but i guess that next year, is a year of changing impressions.

so i was like thinking of that, and as soon as i was done, yating asked someone to speak a word. than in my heart i was thinking, God, that cant be it right, i mean like its so personal and i dun even know if everyone else is like me, conforming to the world, having ourselves lost in the world and forgetting how to live a life that Christ has taught us to live. so i was like telling God, but u only gave me a line and u didnt even give me the full verse and i cant remember the full verse, surely thats not wad u want me to share right. den time went on, and i just continued praying in tongues, and the presence was still flowing, den each time i wanted to open my mouth, i held myself back, and all the "wad ifs" and "wad nots" were going thru my mind, den it was kinda funny, cus each time i wanted to speak but hesitated, yating kinda said stuff like, if God has given u a word, u can speak it out or smt like that, lol, den it happened like twice or thrice straight after i hesitated. den i was still there super hesitant, i was like telling God, ok, if u give me a feeling thats super assuring, i ll do it. lol. den God was funny, the presence just faded for awhile and the room came to a stand still. den with a mix of fear and faith in my heart, i was like God how?????? den at that time, yating told us to share the word again. so i decided, its now or nothing, so i spoke, half stuttering cus of how nervous i was, but as soon as i spoke, the presence started flowing back, and from stuttering, it became more assuring, than after that, the presence just intensified, that bam! den i was like just speaking normally le. it was kinda funny cus i didnt know if the stuff i spoke was proper or if anyone got it but at that point of time, i just felt the annointing of God over my back, it was an awesome feeling man, a presence i never felt before, den my arms started trembling. and by the time i ran out of things to say, i just started praying in tongues again. den i was like wow! God u rawk!

i still kinda wonder how the rest felt about the word thou. cus it was really a first time for me and it was more nerve wrecking den OP presentation. haha. just hope next time can be more fluent. sermon was interesting too. heh. never felt so tuned into a sermon for a really long time. i know if yating or john reads, their gonna go WHAT! but like the last one or two weeks, all the sermons just really went in one ear and went out the other and i caught certain stuff but not much, today was different!

and i realised one more thing, when ur living a life where u not doing any nonsense and ur more pure and in tune with God right, u feel this assurance when u sleep la, this peace, and not this really scared feeling all the time. its like for some weeks, i was sinning quite a bit, getting into those old sins, den i dunno but i felt scared to off the light to sleep cus i didnt know if God was still there to protect me cus in case u people didnt know, i used to be really scared of the dark.

so its like after cell, played bridge with yating, julie and cheryl. so funn! i think julie and cheryl can kill me man. i like lost them 3 games that we could have won cus i kept playing the wrong cards. lol. but got one game, stormer man, i had like 6 hearts that were the trump, and 2 aces from other suites. thrashing man. heh. den after that played uno madness with cheryl john and julie. heh. so funny cus we kept saboing each other and there was one time that i was super dumb, cus i played 2 reverses so its back to my turn, den the timer went out on me and i had to draw 4. lol.

after that ate laksa and chips! yum yum! heh. den got into a bit of the, i feel like being alone for awhile feeling so i sat at cheryl's comp and played minesweeper and pinball while john was teaching cheryl and julie how to play the guitar. i think i m super bo liao right. haha. yups! after that we left.

today's cell and fellowhip was great!loved it loads! and to john, i know i was really mean to u on tuesday on the smses and on my blog too even thou i didnt mention ur name. just really wanted to say i m sorry! u know it was kinda funny cus right after the sms session i was reading the word in corinthiens, den it said something about how we ought to be united and not have conflicts among each other. den i felt really bad about it but i guess pride stopped me from making it up.

|cowpoo| 7:13 PM|

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